


Bumper Cars

by lokixarchangel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Hammer of the Gods, Hurt Gabriel, M/M, Sabriel - Freeform, Sad Sam, Song fic, bumper cars by alex & sierra, sam is really sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-14
Updated: 2018-03-14
Packaged: 2019-03-31 08:18:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13971039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lokixarchangel/pseuds/lokixarchangel
Summary: Sam lost Gabriel. And then he loses him again. For good, this time.





	Bumper Cars

 

  _Can't help wondering_

_ What you're thinking _

_ Wherever you are _

 

Sam had been looking for Gabriel for weeks. Ever since Gabriel had hit his wits end with constantly, over and over, being told to shut up and go away. Sam had searched in bars, in candy shops, any sign of archangel or trickster was where he looked. He had to find him. He was so desperate to find him. 

 

_ Late night movies, _

_ Careless drinking _

_ To cover these scars _

 

Sam was so, so stupid for not appreciating the good thing he had. For not holding on when he had the chance. He had yelled at Dean so many times for driving him away. And Dean simply did not understand why Gabriel meant so much to him. “He’s my Cas! Dean, he was my Cas!” Dean finally got it. 

 

_ And as much as I wanna be with you, I know _

 

“I’m so sorry,” was his repeated prayer. Sam was so close to breaking down himself. Dean had apologized too many damn times and Sam was reaching his wits end. So he stole the impala in the middle of the night to look for him, to look for any sign of him. “Please, I’m so sorry,” was a hollow whisper in a broken mind.

 

_ You and me, we're bumper cars _

_ The more I try to get to you _

_ The more we crash apart, no _

 

Sam had to abandon his search for the apocalypse. He knew his prayers were falling on deaf ears, anyway. The apocalypse was hanging over their heads and he just wanted him back. He just wanted to see him one more time. To apologize. To touch him. To feel him.

 

_ Round and round we chase the sparks _

_ But all that seems to lead to _

_ Is a pile of broken parts _

 

Another night of drinking himself to sleep, watching Dr Sexy. “This just isn’t healthy, Sam, you have to snap out of it.” Dean sighed, holding onto his own angel tightly. His arm is around the angel and that makes anger boil in Sam’s chest. He wants to scream that it isn’t fair. But, Sam just grabs the whiskey and goes to his bed.

 

_ We're bumper cars _

_ Bumper cars _

_ The more I try to get to you _

_ Th _ e  _ more we crash apart _

 

More useless praying. Dark circles under his eyes as he distracts himself, following Dean’s example, killing every damn thing he can get his hands on. He’s on his own for the moment, Dean and Cas trying to work another angle on the Lucifer thing.

 

_ Good intentions, _

_ All these questions _

_ We're sitting alone  _

 

Sam’s head rests on the dashboard as he remembers a memory. Gabriel was laughing as he watched Dean’s reaction to a perfectly pink impala, his face twisting in something akin to pain as Dean’s face turned red and his anger made him take things way too far. “A nuisance, useless, unwanted, why are you even around?” Were choice words.

 

_ All roads since you, _

_ Are wrong directions _

_ I'll never get home _

 

Sam should have stopped Dean, should have told him to stuff it. He knew that. He knew he should have made Dean shut the hell up and Gabriel would still be here. He’d still be in his arms. He should have took him into his arms when he saw the unfamiliar expression cross onto Gabe’s face. He should have done a lot of things.

 

_ And it's making me wanna be with you, I know _

 

“I loved you. I’m so sorry.” Sam is getting desperate to just have him back. To say what he was too stupid to before.

 

_ You and me, we're bumper cars _

_ The more I try to get to you _

_ The more we crash apart, no _

 

Hotel in the middle of nowhere should have raised so many red flags.He should have realised this wasn’t good. That something was off. But he was exhausted and he had to rest. He just needed sleep. He hadn’t actually slept well in so long and that night, he was so close to just dropping.

 

_ Round and round we chase the sparks _

_ But all that seems to lead to _

_ Is a pile of broken parts _

 

Gods Sam had only read about all around a table. An offering was to be given to save their own necks. They’ve worked too hard to just be given to the beast. But Sam just couldn’t bring himself to actually care that he was about to be given up on a silver platter. His head whipped around when he heard the doors open.

 

_ We're bumper cars _

_ Bumper cars _

_ The more I try to get to you _

_ The more we crash apart, no _

 

He was so close, he was right there. All snark and sass and smirks. Jokes and grins and god, he was right there. Sam could see the dead spark in Gabriel’s eyes that meant he was still hurting. But, Sam knew he was too stubborn to actively show it. Sam could touch him if he just reached out… He waited too long, losing his chance. 

 

_ This was supposed to be fun _

_ This was supposed to be the one _

_ Maybe we stayed too long _

 

Sam paced the room, ignoring what Dean was saying. Right there. He was right there. He should have hugged him,  embraced him. He should have done a lot of things. He could have done a lot of things. But, poor Sam just couldn’t seem to get it right. He just couldn’t hold onto what he wanted. What he needed. 

 

_ Maybe we played all wrong _

_ This was supposed to be good _

_ But I know, I know _

 

God, they were insulting each other again. Bickering like they used to and Sam was desperate for Dean to just stop it and shut up. Didn’t Dean realise it would just ruin any hope of Sam having the Trickster back. When he talked about whooing Kali, Sam’s heart broke. Gabriel’s smirk faded as he saw Sam’s expression before he looked away. 

 

_ Round and round we chase the sparks _

_ But all that seems to lead to _

_ Is a pile of broken parts _

 

Kali plunged the blade into his chest and Sam’s heart screamed. He managed to suppress it and made a neutral expression, hiding inner panic. He couldn’t be dead. He’d faked it so many times that he had to just be pretending again. Right? Just pretending. Another trick. He counted his blessings when he was right. 

 

_ We're bumper cars _

_ Bumper cars _

_ The more I try to get to you _

_ The more we crash apart _

  
  


Sam’s heart raced and he wanted to call out for Gabe as he was ushered out the door. But, again, he waited too long. Gabriel could do it. He could kill Lucifer. Or was Lucifer too strong for him? Would he be able to trick his way out of this one? Sam really didn’t want to know the answer to this question.

 

_ We're bumper cars _

_ Bumper cars _

_ The more I try to get to you _

_ The more we crash apart _

 

Sam felt Gabriel truly die. An explosion shot through his head and he hunched forward, screaming. The world exploded into images and Sam felt the blade in his own stomach. He could see Gabriel’s last moments through his eyes, and sobs started racking his body. “Sam!” Dean yelled. “He knew, Dean…” Sam whispered, listening as soft words were spoken in his head.

 

“I love you, too, kiddo.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> I know. I love you guys, too.


End file.
